Some of my entries got a bit shorter at this point, so I may stack one or two per blog post.
So anyway, I find that I do in fact care what others think of me. Today I was at work and was talking with my co-worker Tanner*, who commented on how I always seemed to work hard. This made me quite happy, so I find myself now questioning the axiom I’ve always professed to live by which is: I don’t give a rip what you think I’ll be myself and that will be that.
Not so easy, even for an Aspie like me. You see, at school I rarely get involved in discussions that others are having unless the topic strays into something I’m an expert in, such as Minecraft, jellyfish or dinosaurs. The reason is because I don’t want to look stupid, so I suppose there must be some sort of caring regarding my social status at work.
I also note that I seem to be overly sensitive to offending people; if I jokingly poke fun at someone and they pretend like it hurt them I will overcompensatingly** backpedal to make sure they know I meant no offense.
*This is not insignificant. Tanner worked at Valentino’s for four years before I started and he is by far the most experienced person there, especially in the dishroom. His opinion is pretty much fact when it comes to washing dishes.
**Totally a word. Stop laughing.
I note that occasionally (and I apologize if I’ve already gone over this) I will be in a sort of mood where I want to talk to NOBODY. Period. As such, this is usually the time when my parents will come over and try to talk to me. Whereupon I will become angry and sit there stewing, and any responses I give are short, snappy and usually come off as disrespectful. In turn this angers my parents, who often attribute these responses to the computer. Bit of a problem, that.
My parents don’t seem to pick up on that, either. Nor do they notice that the issue is not in fact bound inextricably to the computer; there have been notable instances where I’ve put off a video game I’ve been playing for a while because my parents are talking to me. Granted it’s still irritating to have to break off my game to speak to someone, but it’s not like that’s exactly a new thing. Nor is it an issue exclusive to so-called computer addicts.
Speaking of computer addicts, my parents are convinced I’m addicted to the computer despite everything I can tell them that should by all rights tell them otherwise. For example, an addict would sacrifice schoolwork, actual work, chores, sleep and meals for the computer. I do suffer in schoolwork and chores, but that’s not the fault of the computer; I can be completely computer-free for a period of time and my grades do not change. That solidly debunks that one. Same thing with chores, I’m just not that good about getting around to them. I really should work on that, but it’s not the fault of the computer and I’d appreciate an acknowledgment of that fact.
As for work, sleep and meals, I’ve got other things to say. When it’s time for me to go to Valentino’s and work, by golly I get off my machine and I go to work. An addict wouldn’t do that. Same thing for sleep; I’m in bed between nine and ten pretty much universally. Meals, I will admit I sometimes eat rather minimally or late while on the computer but part of that is the desire to live up to the nerd stereotype who’s always skinny because he’s too busy studying and gaming to eat very much. Hasn’t worked that well, maybe I should stop.