Hammer Rage

For the longest time my Asperger’s flew under the radar. I was only just diagnosed at sixteen, or seventeen, one of those two. The primary indication was the fact that I had a temper not normally seen outside of The Incredible Hulk. I mean, I bit someone on the back of the neck during first grade, for crying out loud.

I think that’s due to a personal preference of mine. Any readers who’ve had any experience with the Asperger’s Experts guys, you’re probably familiar with the concept of “defense mode.” Pretty much my entire life I’ve taken the position that the best defense is a good offense. I think we see where this is going, but in case you’re not getting it (and because I like giving long-winded explanations) it means that instead of setting up barriers to shut out things I don’t like, I went and got a sledgehammer and started beating things with it to get them to change to a more acceptable state.

Well, understandably, the people or things I’m hitting with a hammer are not enamored of this behavior. As a result I bounced around schools crazily until sixth grade. At some point after that, when I was being homeschooled, I figured out the solution. That solution (though it may have had something to do with food intolerances – one would have to ask my dad about that) was to go to the more acceptable way of dealing with things. In other words, completely shut down and cut off as many possible sources of frustrating stimuli as I could.

This comes across most of the time as me being very quiet and very unobtrusive, which as anyone who has actually interacted with me knows, is very much not the case. At all. It’s not even in the same universe as the case. But I don’t do it all the time, because with numerous people there exists the possibility that they’ll get annoyed at me and hurt me. And in response I will lash out, and I’m not interested in being charged with assault or murder. One of the reasons why I’m much more social in video games? If someone acts like a jerk, I can blow their head off free of consequences. Alternatively, if I can’t do that owing to them being on my team or just plain better than me, I leave the server. Or mute them.

By the same token, I’ve almost entirely solved my game rage. That’s exactly what it sounds like – getting overly upset at a video game because you’re losing. I broke a computer monitor, which was not fun. One monitor. My parents maintain it was three but one was my brother and one was someone at school – both times I got blamed for it. But that’s entirely irrelevant. The point is that I see my brother completely raging at his games of Minecraft CTF and I think, “that doesn’t look like fun at all.” Of course the game itself is stupidly imbalanced and generally a crap game, but the key I’ve discovered is to play with friends as much as you can, as opposed to random people on random servers.

Okay, I lied, that’s not the solution in and of itself, but it definitely helps. The ultimate solution for me occurred while watching Youtube videos of people playing games. They often ignored the point of the game for the sake of some wild tangent that was amusing. If you view games as a competition you’re invariably going to get frustrated when you lose (one reason why I refuse to take part in competitions for gamers) because winning meant something to you. But if you’re playing for fun, you will almost always get what you came for.


…I’m not really sure what this post is about anymore.


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