On with the blog post.
This past week I’ve been struggling with feeling like I have way too much to do at any one time. Let’s see…I’ve got most of a week’s worth of homework in three or four classes. I still haven’t whipped my room back into shape after the beginning of this semester sent my organization into a tailspin. I have a weekly blog post to write. On top of that I have to put up two Youtube videos a week on Monday and Friday and I’ve only got one of them even prepared, but not uploaded to the website.
So looking at all of this at once has been more than a little overwhelming to me. I’ve felt a bit out of sorts as a result, contemplating how life just seems like a colossal chore. The whole week I feel like I’m juggling all this stuff only to then have the contents of an entire ball pit dumped on me. And if I stop for a second to gather myself I lose control of everything, things pile up, disaster.
Oh, and I’m only at a community college. It just didn’t seem like there were any good options. Ever. Thinking about my future yielded a couple of ideas. One was that in order to get a relatively reliable career I was going to have to complete my current degree (a trial in itself) and then move on to a significantly more expensive college with a significantly more difficult workload (just what I needed, NOT).
And it doesn’t end. After that I’ll get a job, which means a return to high-school levels of time sliced out of every weekday and possibly other times as well, not even accounting for things like buying groceries, cleaning my house, maintaining my car. Thinking about all this I begin to despair of ever having the time to do what I personally want. Admittedly I’d like to work with computer (haven’t figured out exactly what yet) and so if I can get a job like that it should alleviate some of the issues, but still.
So the optimal solution, it seems, would be to get a career as a writer/blogger or Youtuber, both things I thoroughly enjoy doing. I mean, if Twilight can be as popular as it is, I’m fairly certain I can do okay – not meaning to sound arrogant, just that Twilight is less than stellar quality that I’m pretty darn sure I can top easily. Youtube is slightly different in that it’s incredibly difficult for people to actually get traffic to their channel. Admittedly I’ve yet to do anything that hasn’t been done a billion times before, but still.
All in all, this is not a terribly good situation I found myself thinking about. So I stopped thinking about it. Among other things, the sheer overwhelming vision of drudgery I had created for myself (because it’s not really guaranteed, to be honest) had simply intimidated me into temporarily giving up because of the seeming futility of bothering to enjoy things. It’s something I’ve noticed in the past, and it’s a documented psychological phenomenon even among neurotypicals. The anticipation of something is invariably worse than the thing itself.
By not worrying about things that far into the future (which includes a lot of trusting God not to screw me over, so there’s that too) I’ve found my ability to focus on the things at hand improved. Though evidently not my ability to post to the blog on time. Hey, at least a day’s delay is extremely timely by my standards – my average is a couple of months!
Anyway, readers, I hope today’s more-or-less aimless rambling helped you out. Take care and see you next Wednesday (I’m serious this time).